August 10, 2012

I Asked For It

This post was written on July 5th. I am just now getting around to sharing it…

I asked for it. It’s all my fault; I’m not going to lie. I told God I was open to caring for all the children He had intended to bring into my home. I told Him it didn’t matter their story, their location, their agency, age, race or gender, I would be open to any child He specifically had in mind for our family. (Although in the back of my mind I was thinking he’d have a limit that was in line with mine….oh how God has a sense of humor.)

Today I’m mainly talking about our foster son, W. W came into our lives on a Friday afternoon. In a matter of 5 minutes, his worker marched him through our door, told me his name, gave me a small box of all his belongings, handed over our foster parent agreement and said her goodbyes. W came with his head down, eyes glued to his slow shuffling feet and hands tightly folded in front of him. He didn’t know anything about me, about our home or about his new “brother” who was overly eager to play immediately. This little boy had every right to be unsure because he’d just been uprooted from everything he’d ever known…again.
Prior to his arrival, I was preparing for an angry little boy with uncontrollable temper tantrums. Upon his arrival, I quickly learned of a little boy who’s never known a stable home and is desperate for attention and praise. Within 10 minutes after the worker left, I had a little boy whose charismatic personality was quickly surfacing with the help of hugs and a big boy cup of juice. By Friday evening, I learned W was incredibly smart, very observant, gentle, had great manners, was 100% potty trained (BONUS!) and absolutely soaked up every ounce of love, affection and positive praise he could get. I also knew that night that this was a very dangerous situation the Lord gave me because I was falling in love with this little boy who was already calling me Mommy and it hadn’t even been 24 hours.

Tomorrow will be a week we’ve had W. It has been a week of adjusting to being a mom to two boys who already fight like brothers. ;) I was really worried before we were placed with foster kids that I wouldn’t be able to love them as much as I love our biological son, Kipton. I can honestly say, this week the Lord has worked on my heart and made it so easy for me to have a deep and genuine love for W. I love him as if I would have birthed him. My heart hurts when he hurts, and I jump with joy when he is excited about something he accomplished. I love him and care for him as if he’s always been mine. It is so hard to think he could be taken from us at any time. I hate not having control or being able to protect him from every wrong and injustice in this world and broken system. My heart aches at not being able to love him forever and give him a stable home where he will know Jesus and the dynamics of a true family.

Today the Lord really opened my eyes to His vast love for me. I know I love W with a deep love, but that love and protection I desire for him is not even a fraction of the love my Savior has for all of His children. I can not even fathom that great love, but I am so thankful for it!! I am so thankful for Jesus’ model of love and kindness. It is with His love that I am able to give this sweet little boy everything I can. I am not guaranteed a certain amount of days with W, but each day I have I will show him how much Jesus loves him and how much he desires for him to have a relationship with him.

My heart may ache for this little boy, but when we say his nightly prayers and his sweet little 3 year voice echo’s mine it is all worth it…even if just for a little while. Thank you Jesus for our time with this sweet child.

Don’t forget this week is our featured week on Give1Save1! Head on over to check out their website then come back and donate to Kade and Cora’s adoption through our Paypal link to the left!!

No comments:

Post a Comment